Monthly Archives: December 2012

the Art Lover

The last show at 619 was a bit of a let down. The building had received quite a bit of local coverage, and many of the artists were expecting record turnout due to the publicity, but it was just an ordinary group of drifters. Late in the evening a big tall bearded drunk enthusiast bonded with me, and simply had to cut his T-shirt sleeves off in emulation of my style. He hauled out an industrial looking folding knife that is a foot long when open and starts cutting his sleeves off with his shirt on. The one done with the right hand went sort of ok, but the side done with the left hand led to some bloodshed off his gouged deltoid, I was busy elsewhere until the ‘oh my god’ and ‘eeewh’ comments attracted my attention, by then he has blood down his arm to the wrist and he is licking his palm. As a drunk, he felt no pain, just seemed a little baffled, but persistent, got the sleeve off, his shirt covered in blood as he proudly wanders off in search of a sink. I suspect that some stitches may have been in order, but was damned glad to be rid of him. Yet another incident amongst the art lovers: another performance piece.Image

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recent bio and statement

Dr. JohnnyWow!

Bio and Artist’s Statement

Dr. JohnnyWow! has both a BA and MFA in Studio Arts from the University of Washington, acquired in the ‘60’s. Recently he completed a program resulting in the acquisition of a Doctorate in Metaphysics. He spent 30+ years working as an offset printer, a field in which he had little talent and no interest. He has been an Artist of little note and no merit for 50+ years. He has also been a gym-rat/weightlifter for the same decades. These parallel interests have been found to be lacking coherent meaning and devoid of income opportunities. “How could a person of intellect and refined sensitivities dedicate a life to fields that are so silly, irrelevant, capricious, and un-rewarding as the Arts?”

The Good Doctor was one of the evicted at 619 Western where he exhibited for 50 months. The monthly shows provided a welcome, thought provoking, and hilarious summation to his invisible ‘career’ in the Arts. It cost him about $1.50 per head to have around 200 viewers for his artwork every month. The studios that are now available cost 2 to 5 times as much and do not generate similar foot traffic, thus the ‘per head’ cost to exhibit has become prohibitive. The eviction has eliminated the opportunity for public disgrace. In the final months of 619, the Doctor created ‘Destructospectives’ in which whatever could not be sold (you name the price), or given away, was loaded into dumpsters; eliminating a lifetime accumulation of wasted effort. He thus spared his wife the fate of becoming a ‘Widow with a Warehouse’.

The Good Doctor hopes that everyone viewing the shows had half as much fun on Artwalk as he had. This would mean that he has had twice as much fun as you. If you had tried a bit harder, you might have had more fun. The Doctor’s observational research has led him to believe that he has had far more fun than those that presume to be fans of Artistic endeavors.

It is unfortunate that the Arts seem dull and boring, but, after all, no one paid to view, and the Artists weren’t paid to perform. The Artists did pay to produce the artworks, but hardly a soul had anything to say about the Art, and nothing was purchased. So, how much entertainment can be expected in a zero-sum game?

I apologize for the terrible inconvenience of viewing the Arts, but it is free. The depressing combination of obligation and pity that drew you to the Artwalk is greatly appreciated by those afflicted with annoyingly pretentious hobbies within the Arts.

“We must become fools to establish the realm of our wisdom.”

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